Acceptance to Change
Photo by my happiness on Pexel
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change” - Carl Rogers
Consider the analogy of a small bus of people. Perhaps there’s 4 or 5 people in the bus. But everyone wants to drive the bus. You’ve got a tug-of-war at the wheel, every person thinks they know the right way to go, the best and safest way to get to the destination, and nobody’s listening to anybody. This is your mind. There’s likely an inner critic on the bus, openly judging you “if you were better, you’d know what to do already” or “by the time you figure it out, it’s going to be too late, you’re not going to be successful anyway.” Perhaps there’s the over-indulger, that says one more episode, one more Tik Tok, one more beer, one more, one more... Eventually someone takes the wheel, and somehow we manage to get to our destination but there’s got to be a better way to get there than white-knuckling the steering wheel right?
So often we look at the less savoury parts of ourselves and wish that we could cut them out, excise them from our minds/hearts/existence. The irony is that when we try to deny, suppress or distract from these parts of ourselves, they tend to get louder, become more of a nuisance and work harder to become noticed. Or, after years of neglect, they fade into the background but leak out in uncontrolled bursts of rage, distress, fear, or even ecstasy (picture it like Joaquin Phoenix’ Joker making a mad dash for the steering wheel). However, when we actually listen to these parts of ourselves, show them some compassion or validation, that is when we can start to work with them, create change. We find our compassionate self—our inner Yoda/Gandalf/Fairy Godmother/Mary Poppins/Dumbledore/Julia Andrews—try to understand these parts of ourselves, where they’re trying to go, how they want to do it, and begin to appreciate their efforts, then they will finally sit down, and we’re able to actually find a way to drive the bus.
What parts of you have you been fighting and trying to throw off the bus? What could understanding and acceptance look like?
